I think I failed to mention this before, but over the holidays I'm working with Bryan at his store whenever I'm off from Kamikaze. Good Lord, I thought my customers were bad. Yesterday I got a taste of his. I won't bore you with the details of this one crazy lady, but I'll just skip to the part where she told me I'm dying.
After half an hour of driving the 2 of us up a wall because she's trying to get college applications out for her kid, she notices this small mole I have just below my left ear. It's been there since I was born, and I actually kinda like it there. Anyway, I had my hair all pulled back and when I turned my head I guess she noticed it.
"Oh my God!" She gasps, "Have you had that looked at?!"
"Uuuh.." I have no idea what she's talking about, "Had what looked at?"
"That mole by your ear there." She points, "I would have that removed right away if I were you."
Now, before I go any farther, let me ask you. Would you ever in a million years say such a thing to a complete stranger? Who does that?!?! Seriously.
"Well, it's been there my whole life and it hasn't moved, changed, grown or anything." I say, wondering to myself why I'm even bothering with this conversation.
"That doesn't matter, if I were you I'd go to a doctor right away. And I bet the doctor will tell you not to worry about it, so you'd better get a second opinion or just have it removed... Just for your own peace of mind, ya know?"
"You don't have to look at me like that! I was just trying to be helpful!"
Bryan, knowing what a complete hypocondriac I am, steps in front of me. He said later that he knew even though I was blowing her off that I'd spend the rest of the day demanding he take me to the ER.. Which is funny, because that's exactly what I was thinking.
"Here are your recipts, this is your tracking number, have a nice day." He says, trying to get her out of my face.
"All I'm saying is, you never know. Whenever I see a mole I have it removed right away. Those things are.." And then she said that word.."Cancerous sometimes. And that mole of yours just looks funny to me."
ACK! That's my button. She put her big fat finger right there on my most dreaded hypocondriac button and pressed it hard. I could have possibly recovered from the whole ordeal rather quickly, but she had to go and say the C word. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm convinced that I have every kind of Cancer known to man teeming around in my body at all times. It isn't a chest-cold, it's lung cancer. it isn't PMS it's ovarian tumors. It's not just a mole, it's melanoma...
After she left, Bryan just sent me home. Mostly because I was upset, but I'm pretty sure he just didn't want to stand there all day reassuring me that he's been looking at that mole since the day we met and it has indeed remained exactly the same all these years.
On my way back into the apartment I ran into Stephanie in the hall and I whined to her about it for a little while. She agrees that anyone with any amount of social skills wouldn't do that to another person.
But, still... I'm too young for cancer, right?